if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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