have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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