my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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