It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize