so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
