U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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