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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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