you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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