I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
