Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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