I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
