new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
