why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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