WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are we still banned from the library?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
