need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think your dad took our porno
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
