Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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