one two three fourrrrnication!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
