I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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