Already got asked if we're dating
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
