I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
