Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
