She's JV to your varsity
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
