Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
