Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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