This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
