Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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