Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
