We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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