I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
