he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
