I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
