As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
