I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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