Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
