I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
