I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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