The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
