Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
