It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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