i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
