My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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