Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
