Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
