Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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