if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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