...so i touched it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we should paint friendship bongs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
