made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
