My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is the high leading the old right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
