Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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