My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
