So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
